Beauty is skin deep. And so are habits, preferences and choices. They change and morph into new ones. And believe me, the very habit you find oh-so-cute in your college crush will become a thorn in your side after you marry them.

So, what does it take to make a marriage work? It takes effort – loads of it! Effort to meet each other half-way. Effort to love the person you wake up next to, and who has possibly the worst morning breath! Effort to make compromises (burritos for dinner every Sunday) for the sake of their happiness. Effort to smile and pretend you enjoy spending time with their friends (and sometimes even family) even though you’d much rather binge watch FRIENDS. Effort to not give up. Effort to stick together when the going gets tough. Effort to communicate. Effort to forgive…

Yes, a lot of this is easier when you marry someone you like and respect (at least most of the time!). And it is easier when you agree with each other on the bigger aspects of life. While it may seem like the Third World War because you cannot agree whether the bedroom walls should be red or white, the fact is that successful couples tend to agree on the larger decisions. Such as retirement plans, or savings, or children’s education or supporting one’s parents.

And this agreement comes because these successful couples share common values. Taking the example of Akshay from the show, who wants a stay-at-home wife – perhaps what he is looking for is the value ascribed to family, which includes his parents and tomorrow their children. But do you think he’d be happy if his wife chose to be a stay-at-home mother, but spent all her time in kitty-parties and on Instagram while the children were being raised by nannies? Perhaps not. Whereas maybe a working woman who values family might have ensured that she spends time with the family despite her work.

Shared values provide a couple with a shared goal. They might still disagree about the best route to the goal, but at least they have the same goal in mind. Whereas a couple who agree on the common path, but don’t share the goal would soon drift apart.

So, start by picking the five things that you value most – is it appearance or money? Is it family or adventure and having new experiences? Do you value independence or security? Do you value career growth more than relationships? How important is religion and faith?

Pick the ones that matter most to you and determine if your to-be also values these. And how do you determine this? Obviously by discussing it with your to-be, but also by looking at how these are manifested in their behaviours. For example, if someone says that career is important to them but then they spend all day on Netflix when they ought to be working, it probably means they don’t really value career growth. Whereas if they really valued career growth they would prioritise it above other things. They might spend their weekends taking up courses to further their knowledge.

On the face of you and your partner may both value money, but if you give importance to the things that money can buy (like a fancy villa) but your partner values having savings for a rainy day, they may choose to invest in a retirement plan rather than spending it on a lavish house.

These are important points to be discussed and considered before you take the plunge. Whether you meet your prospective life partner through an arranged set-up (even Sima Taparia!), or if you just fell in love with the guy/gal next door.

And when you do find someone who’s values match yours, remember it’s still only half the battle. But at least you will both be fighting alongside rather than against each other!

And if you need a little help assessing what your top five are, or how to check if they are the ones that your prospective life partner also values – reach out to our counsellors.