Sandra and Atharv were married a year ago. The couple enjoyed putting their home together but realized within a few weeks that they have different views on what to eat for breakfast, workout routines, bed time, getting a pet or not, whether to wash the dishes once a day or when the sink is full and arranging their clothes in the shared closet space.

They say change is constant and the same holds good for marriage. From different kinds of wedding and pre-wedding shoots to planning living arrangements, there is a sea of decisions even before the rollercoaster of married life begins. Whether a couple has lived in the same city their entire lives or moved to a new location, we can all agree that there are newer challenges that may not have existed when our parents were married.

Each person brings in their expectations to a marriage such as living in a nuclear or joint family, finances, hiring help, who does the cooking and cleaning, the decision to have children, behavior towards in-laws, to name a few.

As a couple, you may choose to share roles and be involved in home responsibilities depending on availability and practicality. You may struggle with following practices followed by your parents and even feel guilt over disappointing your parents if you choose differently. One partner may want to visit their parents every weekend while the other may want to spend that time unwinding and spending time as a couple. How do you navigate through these challenges?

Here are some simple ways in which couples can begin to intertwine their values, both traditional and personal and begin to work together -

Pick-and-choose – Both you and your partner can choose traditions and rituals you like from both your lives and include it in your marriage. Sandra and Atharv decided to celebrate both Diwali and Christmas and invite their parents for the celebrations.

Be one unit – There are bound to be varying opinions about the lifestyle a couple wishes to live by. It is crucial to work as a team and discuss and communicate boundaries with parents, friends and relatives. Working together and having these conversations are vital and these discussions bring a couple closer together and strengthens their relationship. The first few years of marriage is all about figuring out the dynamics of the relationship and finding a rhythm that works best for you. You can support and help each other during this process.

Agree to disagree – People assume a couple who seem happy do not have disagreements or arguments, which is far from the truth.  Being able to tell your partner that you have an opposing thought or opinion shows that you can be yourself without fear of losing the relationship. Having an open dialogue and making the decision to accept that you feel differently can only improve the quality of the relationship.

New traditions – A couple can look to create new traditions for their family; they are as valuable as the ones passed down over generations. Sandra and Atharv enjoy spending time with friends and created a new tradition of organizing a board game night once a month. The excitement of hosting people helped provide relief from the stressors of the week. They also decided to visit both their parents on alternate months and this in turn, helped develop meaningful and deeper connections with the in-laws.

There are plenty of ways to work around the expectations and wishes of both, and work together instead of having a conflict over them.

If you and your partner can relate to this article and wish to discuss further, please reach out to our counsellors.