In an ideal world, we would meet our friends very often, spend time with them, collaborate on study, work and social activities, and they would play a central role in our lives.

The ‘real’ world, however, is not quite like that. Some friends move away to different cities or countries for work or studies, and we all get immersed in crafting lives for ourselves, making time for family and other day-to-day activities.

And so, one of the challenges we face in adult-life is staying connected with old friends. Something we had never imagined would be tough.

In case you find yourself wanting to reach out or stay in touch, here are some things to keep in mind.

1. Prioritize your friendships. The easy thing is to focus on what is happening in your life and put calling a friend on your “I’ll do it later” list. Later tends to go on for a long time.
    
2. Setting reminders can help, or even setting aside time in your day to send a text or call (for example, while commuting, or waiting for the milk to boil, or even while grocery shopping).
    
3. Getting in touch does not have to be for a specific discussion. A picture, a meme or link to something you know your friend will appreciate also works.
    
4. When making plans, be specific with regard to dates and times. Don’t just say “We have to meet soon.” or “Let’s get coffee sometime.”
    
5. Be ready to do things you don’t like very much. ‘Going shopping for the whole day? Sure, if it means I get to spend time with you.’ ‘You want to watch a football match at the café? Okay, I can manage to have fun doing that.’
    
6. Explicitly state when you need your friend’s time or attention. Expecting them to magically know when you need them will only hurt you – and they will never know.

Life tends to be stressful and friends can be a great form of support – as we draw on them for advice, laughs, distraction, discussion… friendships are worth investing in, not subject to market conditions!

In case you would like to discuss any of the points above in more detail and see how it can apply in your life, do reach out to a counsellor.