After the thrill and celebration of getting admission into a prestigious college, Madhu's parents came to settle her into her new hostel far away from home. She cried buckets the day they left. Life in college was very different from what she had expected. Even a month later she still hated everything about this new place – the people, the food, and the noise. She missed her hometown so much. Her mother’s worried voice on the phone made her choke up every day and she kept thinking about quitting and going back home.

Madhu is not the only one. Whether for studies or work, it can be disturbing to leave one’s comfort zone behind and shift base to an entirely different place.

For most it begins with the excitement and freedom of a new life, but as the novelty wears off, loneliness and homesickness can creep in. Some common themes that come up in this context are:

• Handling finances – Parents and older siblings are often so protective that some of us have never ever seen the inside of a bank or ever had to worry about our own finances. It may seem overwhelming to have a bank account and be personally responsible for payment for food, groceries  etc.

• Adjustment to new lifestyle – If it is a new university/college that one has enrolled in, it takes time to get acquainted to the new schedule and academic requirements. If it is a new job then the whole work-culture and some amount of performance anxiety plays a role in upping the stress factor. 

• Food – It is not just about the mechanical act of fuelling the body, food also encompasses warmth and love and the feeling of home for many. Being in an alien culture, whether in India or abroad, it can be challenging to adapt to the cuisine and new dietary schedule. Many report a loss of appetite and miss home food during this period.

• Physical independence - many have grown up in homes where someone else took care of all physical needs, from cleaning and laundry to personal shopping. Some are even used to being woken up in the morning, and being reminded to complete their assignments or having someone to support them while they study. Having to do all this on own can seem overwhelming.

• Emotions – From missing parents, siblings and friends to missing one’s own bed at home, emotions can range from nostalgia to crushing sadness. Dreaming about being back home or counting days till the next trip home is common.

• Festivals and bad-hair-days – Even those who may not otherwise miss home so much, do feel a twinge of homesickness around special occasions or festivals or on days when nothing seems to be going right.

• Heartbreak – Moving away from home can also mean a loss of old friendships, and break-up of romantic relationships. Some might even get carried away in the heady excitement of newfound freedom and end up trusting the wrong individuals.

A new chapter in life does not necessarily have to be this stressful. There are wonderful gains of being on your own too – the confidence of managing life on your own, the pride of your own identity and the sheer learning from new experiences and people you meet.

Don’t let the challenges of leaving home hinder your flight toward the new horizons stretching out in front of you – reach out to a counsellor to discuss how.