From being single to being married – from Me to We… life changes the moment you say “I do”.

There is a lot to look forward to – the excitement of spending your life with someone you love, the joy of having a companion and the comfort of having someone accept you as a friend, always. And yet there are some not-so-appealing changes too – having to put up with another person’s peculiarities, compromising for the sake of your better half and just having to share your space with someone else all the time.

We enter a relationship with some notions of how we want the relationship, our partner as well as ourselves to be. What does being married mean to you?

ME over we

• You are offered a 6 month project in the USA – and you jump at it.
   
• You continue to go out with friends during the week and laze around over the weekend.
   
• You are passionate about your hobbies and give about 1-2 hours to them everyday post work.
   
• Your house has always been the place where friends and colleagues hang out and they continue to come over, unannounced.
   
• You tend to say ‘my house’, ‘my parents’, my family’, ‘my TV’, ‘my holiday’.
   

WE over me

• You are offered a 6 month project in the USA and you decline without a second thought.

• Your best-friend asks to meet for a cup of coffee or drinks and you decline because you need to get back home to your partner.

• You have given up on your hobbies completely and give all your time outside of work to your partner.

• You meet friends or family only if and when your partner is also in the mood to do so.

• You switch to saying ‘our house’, ‘our parents’, our family’, ‘our TV’, ‘our holiday’.
   

Which of these instances resonates with you? Which have you observed in your partner? Is it right to choose ourselves over the relationship or the relationship over ourselves?

There is no right or wrong answer to this as it is important to identify what works for you and your partner in developing a healthy relationship – to strike a balance between what you and your partner want.

Too much of ME could result in too much independence and seem like you’re living together but have parallel, disconnected lives. On the other hand, allowing all decisions to revolve around marriage could result in too much dependence, making you feel disconnected from your other interests, friends & family. It can also make the relationship feel suffocating for both of you, creating frustration and negatively impacting the marriage.  

Striking the balance between the ME and the WE is not always easy – and conflicts can arise when you and your partner have contrasting views about it. The good thing is, talking to an impartial third person, like a qualified counsellor, can help increase awareness and open communication channels to ensure both your needs are met.